M O R P H Y N E
Daily News for the Un-Common Mind
August 28, 2008
ROISSY
The latest energy-efficient Airbus 380-900 model is being taxied
on the runway of the Charles de Gaulle International Airport in Paris.
For details go to :
ITALY
Democratic National Convention speakers George Clooney and Brad Pitt
are currently attending the 2008 International Venice Film Festival
where they will speak about existential problems truly tormenting their personal lives :
unemployment, poverty and social injustice.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/08/27/news/People-Clooney-Pitt.php
QUOTE :
-This is the first time in my life I choose to pretend that I am proud of this country !
*
BEIJING 2008 OLYMPIC GAMES
According to modern algebra
China (population : 1.3 billion) should have won 476.66 olympic medals
(they won 100)
based on the fact that the U.S.A (population : 300 million) have won 110 medals.
Liechtenstein (population : 35,322) should have won 0.0129514 medals.
They won none.
Go to :
http://results.beijing2008.cn/WRM/ENG/INF/GL/95A/GL0000000.shtml
CONFUSIONISM
Although it would not be on anyone's list of possible choices
a Barack Obama - John McCain ticket would not only be a catapult to certain victory
but also an audacious proof of America's most surprising, unpredictable and creative democracy on Earth.
A prisoner-of-war-turned-experienced-senator
together with
an inexperienced-but-astute-teleprompter-reader.
Wow !
What a brilliant idea !
Young and old, vitality and gravitas.
Vote for Barack Obama as President with John McCain as Vice-President
and witness the fireworks of a winning inspirational formula which would unite the nation like water and oil.
For details go to :
http://www.presidentialcomics.com/
BEIJING
Half of the Chinese women's gymnastics team is suspected of being underage.
The International Olympic Committee promises to investigate.
The Chinese officials are DENYING these reports
but some of the Chinese 4' gymnasts have been seen
training with teddy bears and with Barbie dolls in their diminutive arms.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/08/22/sports/OLYAGE.php
EUROPE
When French president Nicolas Sarkozy rushed to Moscow earlier this month
to mediate the crisis over Georgia with Russian president Dmitri Medvedev
prime minister Vladimir Putin showed up for the meeting instead.
-But where is Dmitri ? Sarkoky asked, baffled.
-I gave him the day off ! Vladimir Putin reportedly answered.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/08/21/america/21diplo.php
The Latest Poll : McCain Takes Lead Over Obama
In a surprising turnaround, John McCain has opened a LEAD on Barack Obama in the U.S. presidential race.
McCain now leads Obama by 46 percent to 41 percent.
This significant change seems to have been caused by an interview Barack Obama gave MoveOn.org
during which the democratic candidate stated when asked about his opinion on the conflict in Georgia
that Atlanta is one of his favorite cities (although he has never been there)
and that he still has a poster of Vladimir Ilyich Lenin on his living room wall.
For details go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080820/ts_nm/usa_poll_politics_dc
ISLAMABAD
Under pressure over impending impeachment charges President Pervez Musharraf resigned yesterday.
Speaking on television from his presidential office
Musharraf announced that once out of office he will start working on a FICTION novel
about an efficient but misunderstood Pakistani king who is deposed and assassinated by his own people.
Disappointed and sad, the king moves to an apartment overlooking Central Park in New York.
For details go to :
http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1833820,00.html
DICTIONARY
MORPHING : http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/17/weekinreview/17bader.html?ref=arts
RUSSIA
The imperial Russian position in relation to Georgia
and to any other breakaway republic from the former Soviet Union
has been a highly speculative and rhetorical challenge :
"-Imagine that Texas would want to secede from the Union !"
Morphyne.com is pondering that not only was Texas NOT annexed by FORCE in the twentieth century
and that Texans today would NOT want to secede from the rest of the nation
but also that rolling TANKS into Texas
would make Texans as mad as a Mexican hurricane in a bottle of explosive tequila !
For details go to :
http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2008/08/15/world/0815-GEOR_index.html
MOSCOW
In an attempt to match Michael Phelps' quest for gold medals
Vladimir Putin announced that he will invade Poland by early next week.
For details go to :
In Georgia, an automobile unfortunately does about 12 people per gallon these days !
*
GEORGIA
Claiming the need to find WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION
Russia has sent troops into the separatist province of South Ossetia and then into Georgia
and bombed the hell out of them
in a major escalation of a conflict that has left scores of civilians dead.
No weapons of mass destruction were found
but because the Russian troops are Russian and NOT American
the news organizations all over the world reported the events
only as an olympic regional sport.
NEXT : the United States send troops into Mexico !
For details go to :
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/12/world/europe/12georgia.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin
MEXICO CITY
Mexico accused the United States of attacking and occupying the central Mexican city of Acapulco
in flagrant defiance of an agreement struck only hours earlier to end the war that flared up last week.
There were unconfirmed reports that a column of American tanks had left Acapulco
and was on the road toward Mexico City.
"As I speak, American tanks are attacking the town of Puerto Vallarta" said Felipe Calderón, the President of Mexico.
Protests were filed by the leaders of several Central and South American countries
who were in Cancun to show their support for Mexico.
Calderón said:
"Let the world finally wake up and take action and provide security for the region.
We are creating a situation that could get out of hand."
Thank God though, France promptly offered to help solve this international conflict.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/08/13/europe/georgia.php
U.S.A
According to the Census Bureau, minorities in the United States will in the future form the majority
and the majority will gradually disappear into a sporadic and accidental minority.
So if you'll come back to the United States during the NEXT generation
expect to see a country which will look like the United Nations on a politically correct day.
For details go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080814/ap_on_go_ot/white_minority
BEIJING
China inaugurated the 2008 Summer Olympics
with the most expensive fireworks extravaganza in Olympic history.
President Bush and Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin were among the many dignitaries
congratulating each other for such a wonderful world.
For the first time ever, China is expected to win more medals than the United States.
They are expected to win GOLD in communist dictatorship, surveillance, brutal dissent annihilation,
human rights abuse, cultural and political censorship,
as well as for a level of environmental pollution
which would kill even a military nuclear submarine in its nest.
For details go to :
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/09/sports/olympics/09china.html?_r=1&oref=slogin
LONDON
The theater where William Shakespeare himself may have walked the stage has likely been discovered in east London.
Builders were excavating the site when they accidentally found the old structure.
Archeologists at the Museum of London were immediately called.
It had been known for a long time that the theatre might have been located in that particular neighborhood
but there are no maps that show its location and no pictures to show what it might have looked like.
The only clue that Shakespeare's London theatre has actually been finally found
is that the bodies of Henry VIII, King Lear and Richard III were found alive at the site.
For details go to :
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/science/article4466781.ece
THE GOSSIP COLUMN
Former presidential candidate John Edwards was caught with his pants down in the hallways
of the Beverly Hills Extramarital Suites & Hotel while having a torrid affair with a bimbo.
He wagged his finger and stated in his very recognizable accent :
-I did NOT have sex with that woman !
But later, in a complete reversal, he admitted he did.
-It depends on what the meaning of the word "sex" is ! he continued.
-Define F*@#$%*G for instance ! he asked the press corps.
The press corps, obligingly, DID.
For details go to :
SEX
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice officially admitted that she has a crush on Oscar-winning actor Denzel Washington.
Denzel Washington responded by saying that he has a crush on Grammy-winning singer Beyoncé
but because he is MARRIED and because Beyoncé is married as well
he will continue to not sleep with his wife
while Condoleezza will have to reach satisfaction by renting a movie instead.
For details go to :
http://www.wowowow.com/post/condoleezza-rice-iran-iraq-denzel-washington-nfl-76877
ROME
The Italian Army has been deployed throughout Italy
in order to deter crime and to give the population a sense of security.
Soldiers dramatically stationed at key locations such as subway and railway stations
are visibly making the statement that the situation is under control.
The Italian soldiers are NOT armed and do not have the power to make any arrests
so if you are going to Italy this summer be prepared for this photo opportunity
and imagine that you are watching an Italian opera without any songs.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/08/05/europe/05italy.php
BREAKING NEWS
Eleven cows were killed by lightning under a tree somewhere in Germany.
Two of the cows have survived and are currently in shock.
For details go to :
MARS
The $ 420 million Phoenix spacecraft has discovered WATER on Mars
except that the water is red, dry, frozen, hard, solid, tasteless, odorless, invisible and subjective
so it had to be cracked with a hammer and evaporated at 32 degrees Celsius in a plutonium oven.
The scientists' next question : is there any OXYGEN on the planet ?
For details go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080801/ap_on_sc/phoenix_mars_7
VENICE
Twenty-one films from the United States, Italy, France and Japan are competing for the Golden Lion
the grand prize of the 2008 Venice film festival.
Wim Wenders is the president of the jury.
The festival opened with Coen Brothers' "Burn After Reading"
which is an autobiographical documentary drama about the two brothers' debilitating addiction
once they discovered Morphyne.com
For details go to :
A 5.4 magnitude earthquake has struck Los Angeles yesterday.
Most of the damage was in the shampoo aisle, as you can see in this picture.
For details go to :
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-la-quake30-2008jul30,0,6284507.story
WOW !
Tomorrow's technology is coming to California THIS year :
1. HONDA is launching an automobile driven by HYDROGEN power.
Which means ZERO emissions and GOOD BYE to the gasoline pump and to the five dollars per gallon.
Go to :
http://automobiles.honda.com/fcx-clarity/?from=fcx.honda.com
2. VIRGIN GALACTIC is offering five-minute weightless flights over the stratosphere
for ONLY $ 200,000 dollars per person, per spin. What a bargain !
Go to :
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/23/science/space/23cnd-spaceship.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=virgin%20galactic&st=cse&oref=slogin
3. MORPHYNE.COM is working on a supersonic passenger airplane powered by CO2
which will bring back ridiculously cheap round-trip airfares to anywhere in the world
and at the same time dry clean the atmosphere, lower the temperature of the planet, save the polar bear
and finally put an end to Al Gore's encyclopedic career.
Go to :
http://www.algore.com/
SILICON VALLEY
There is a NEW search engine out there !
It is called CUIL and it was developed by Morphyne.com
It is said to be able to find all the secret pages and files
about all the people out there whose secret lives you always wanted to scour.
It can read anyone's eMail at the click of a button
and
it can show you all the pictures you always wanted to see but you would NEVER show to your mother.
Check it out and decide for yourself : www.cuil.com
For details go to :
http://money.cnn.com/2008/07/28/technology/cuil.ap/index.htm?cnn=yes
WASHINGTON
The Senate passed a housing rescue bill designed to help struggling homeowners
avoid the nightmare of FORECLOSURE.
The measure lets homeowners who cannot afford their monthly payments
refinance into more affordable government-backed loans rather than lose their homes.
Which means that the government is BUYING the current housing crisis.
Do you NOT have the money to afford your own home ?
No problem. Go ahead, re-finance or buy one today.
The government will bail out the odds
and that way we can all play Russian Roulette all day, every day.
For details go to :
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/27/washington/26cnd-housing.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin
PARIS
Barack Obama, a most liberal American presidential candidate
is visiting with Nicolas Sarkozy, a French CONSERVATIVE president.
What is wrong with this picture ?
Have the magnetic poles of this planet all of a sudden switch ends ?
Can similar twins be both bipolar as well as irreconcilable friends ?
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/07/25/america/26assess-paris.php
JULY 24, 2008
The BARACOBAMA European tour starts today.
He will be performing at the Adolf Hitler Olympic Stadium in Berlin
where the crowds have proven in the past that they know how to pick a leader
much better than US.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/07/24/europe/obama.php
BELGRADE
Bosnian Radovan Karadzic, indicted for the massacre of 8,000 Muslims during the Serbian war
was arrested yesterday after 11 years on the run.
It turns out that he had been living under an incredibly undetectable and stealthy DISGUISE.
This is how he managed to fool everyone but his wife :
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/reuters/2008/07/22/news/OUKWD-UK-WARCRIMES-KARADZIC.php
GUANTANAMO
Osama bin Laden's former driver is on trial in a U.S. military war crimes tribunal.
He is pleading NOT GUILTY.
Salim Hamdan admits that he drove Osama bin Laden from terrorist training camp to terrorist training camp
and that he witnessed his boss give orders about blowing up airplanes and buildings and people
but he says he was just TAKING NOTES about the now most wanted killer on Earth.
If found guilty, Salim Hamdan faces a six-figure book deal and his own MSNBC show.
For details go to :
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article4372508.ece
At the Vatican, sergeant Benedict XVI has been promoted to Pope.
*
iNEWS
Apple's sexy new iPhone is selling for $ 1,200 in Moscow and for around $ 1,370 in China these days.
The same phone costs $ 199 here in the United States.
Russia makes its own iPhone (named AYFON) but the phone does not work properly
and it operates only on dubious and illegitimate bandwidths.
China also makes a device similar to the iPhone, but it is of very low quality, it comes with an expired warranty
and it has a tendency to break down after you use it only ONE time.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/07/18/news/Black-Market-iPhones.php
OFF THE COAST OF MASSACHUSETTS
A giant shark leaped out of the ocean
and snatched a young innocent man from the deck of Al Gore's 100-foot luxury yacht
which was transporting two tons of cash money to an off-shore BARACOBAMA account.
No one knows the exact identity of the shark or WHY he did what he did
but common sense says that sharks should be left alone while they sleep.
For details go to :
https://donate.barackobama.com/page/contribute/standard?source=mainnav
BOOKS
When Madonna's brother announced that he was writing a tell-all book
about his sister's promiscuous life,
Madonna hired a hit man to have her infidel brother WHACKED.
Guy Ritchie directed this particular scene, so luckily the hit man bungled the whole thing
and went to the wrong address instead.
Christopher Ciccone just came out with the book
while Madonna stands accused of whacking an innocent guy.
For details go to :
http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1822769,00.html
The Matador : - Ooops ! Getting up and making it behind the protective fence : 4.5 seconds.
The Bull : - URANUS : 1.5 seconds.
PARIS
Today is July 14th, Bastille Day, the French national holiday.
On this day back in 1789, the French people stormed the famous Versailles Palace on Champs-Élysées
and found Marie Antoinette having sex during a very fancy food orgy.
The French liked what they saw, so they decided to form a brand new republic
based on the scene they just witnessed.
Here are some of the commandments of the new French constitution :
1. Promiscuity is the law of the land
2. The good life becomes raison d'être, purpose, obsession and scope
3. Hard work is forever outlawed
4. The government will provide everyone from cradle to grave :
hospitals, schools, jobs, money
as well as the right to complain all the time about everything
5. Wars are NOT meant to be fought
6. Duplicity, callousness, arrogance and flamboyance are the new THREE colors of the national flag
7. Pretentiousness should be the only visible galaxy in one's head.
8. Cigarettes are not only fashionable and chic, but also good for your health.
For details go to :
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7505157.stm
NICE. FRANCE.
Angelina Jolie has given birth to TWO identical Caesarian twins of the same sex
(a boy and a girl )
who not only look EXACTLY the same
but who were also born on the same day and who have been conceived by the same father !
And on top of that, the father is also the mother's legal husband and lover.
Now what are the odds of that happening to two Hollywood MOVIE SUPERSTARS
who have not touched the ground for the last twenty years?
France is Angelina's NATIVE country, as you can see in the picture above.
For details go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080713/people_nm/jolie_dc_8
SYNCHRONICITY
A new study shows that as gas prices go up, driving-related deaths are declining.
The formula is quite simple :
the fewer cars out on the road, the fewer dead bodies stacked up at the morgue.
Morphyne.com estimates that most drivers who did NOT drive a car
which could have been fatally involved in a deadly car crash are now alive and well !
Here are some other estimates on this subject :
-empty cars driving with empty gas tanks on empty freeways are NOT much of a danger
-staring at your car standing still in the driveway is NOT dangerous to your health
-cars collecting dust in the garage rarely cause any accidents
-the price of gasoline at the pump will soon be higher than that of
alcohol and drugs and guns and junk food.
Which means that the higher the gas prices, the more chances you will have to SURVIVE.
For details go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080712/ap_on_he_me/auto_deaths_gas_prices
BULLFLYING is the latest sports craze in Spain.
Animal rights activists are actually praising the new sport, saying that the bulls are left utterly confused, but unhurt.
Good timing is absolutely essential in bullflying.
A few bullflyers have unfortunately already experienced what it means to deploy a delayed take-off
and are now flying with angels in hospitals all over Madrid.
For details go to :
TOUR DE VACHE
In order to even the field and to eliminate unfair competition
the organizers of this year's Tour de France are distributing free drugs, hormones and metabolic enhancers
to ALL riders in the peloton.
So don't be surprised if you see 2008 Tour de France cyclists
fly high, hum along psychedelically or pirouette acrobatically
on their way to a very slow finish line.
For details go to : http://www.letour.fr/
PARIS
A French judge ordered Continental Airlines to stand trial on charges of manslaughter
for the crash of a Concorde jet in the year 2000.
The judge determined that the crash was caused by a titanium strip from a Continental Airlines passenger airplane
which took off just minutes before the Concorde.
Which means that the French are suing an ACCIDENT
a misfortune, a mishap, an unfortunate, involuntary, inadvertent event.
If they were to travel to France
which one do you think would these days most likely get sued by the French ?
An intelligent chicken or a rectangular egg ?
For details go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080703/ap_on_bi_ge/france_concorde_continental
MOSCOW
Russia's new president, Dmitri Medvedev, declared that
the United States are in NO position to lecture other countries on how to conduct their affairs.
A beacon of democracy, pacifism, global tranquility and sociopolitical wisdom
Russia would like to hold that position itself.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/07/03/europe/03medvedev.php
CELLULAR PHONES
California law now requires people to use hands-free cell phones behind the wheel.
This new law is designed to make California driving safer.
Drunk driving, armed car jacking, freeway shootings and freeway chases are already illegal in California
so you should feel VERY safe driving in our state from now on.
For details go to :
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/inland/la-me-handsfreelaw1-2008jul01,0,2413494.story
PARIS
A French court ordered eBay to pay 40 million euros (63 million dollars) in damages
to the world's leading luxury brand Louis Vuitton for selling fake luxury goods online.
The court bars eBay from selling any Louis Vuitton brands, such as Christian Dior for instance.
eBay, the world's largest online auctioneer will appeal the decision
which is based solely on Louis Vuitton's desire to protect its outrageous prices
and to exclude competition
at the expense of consumers to whom eBay is offering ample free market opportunities.
eBay is NOT selling anything anywhere, it is us, the people, who are buying and selling online.
Morphyne.com thinks that this bizarre intercontinental conviction
should be immediately packaged and posted on eBay.
Let's see who is buying it after all.
For details go to :
JUNE 27, 2008
Today, Bill Gates is leaving Microsoft Inc. Or Microsoft Inc. is losing Bill Gates.
Either way, this is a historical day.
Bored to death by making ninety percent of the software used on this planet
and probably disappointed with Windows Vista
Bill Gates will pack his Apple Macintosh laptop computer and go home
where he will be busy doing what he now wants to do most :
have his wife spend all that money he has made in his life.
No one knows what will happen to Microsoft without Bill Gates,
but some people think that the company should capitalize on its trademark name
and go into the PENIS IMPLANT business.
Good luck !
For details go to :
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/27/technology/27soft.html?_r=1&scp=3&sq=bill+gates&st=nyt&oref=slogin
FEDERAL EXPRESS
Prison guards at a federal penitentiary in Brazil noticed one day that all inmates had cell phones
and that drugs seemed to be widely available in their cells.
They were miffed and confused.
Until they spotted a few distressed pigeons struggling to stay airborne.
At this point, you should be able to figure out this story yourself.
If not, go to :
http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN2537507920080625
OBITUARIES
MSNBC
KEITH DOBERMANN, a talented television sportscaster turned self-proclaimed political commentator
EXPLODED yesterday during one of his daily televised rants.
Tortured by anger, frustration and by a very dark and stormy inferiority complex
Keith Dobermann would eat three packs of cigarettes a day
would drink nothing but premium octane gasoline
and would sleep only a few fully awake and bitter hours a day.
OBSESSED by the always towering TV ratings of his implacable nemesis
a kind and gentle man by the name of Bill O'Reilly, over on Fox Television
Mr. Dobermann could no longer cope with life, competition and struggle
and reached a boiling point known as instant unabomber combustion.
Keith Dobermann leaves behind a wife who left him one day before their wedding
and two grown-up children who would not speak to him
since the day he screamed out loud that he hates them to death
and that they should all go to Hell.
For details go to :
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036677/
THE MORPHYNE BATTERY
John McCain is proposing a 300 million dollars government prize
to whoever can develop an automobile battery which could solve our energy crisis
and which would heal our addiction to oil.
The bounty would equate to one dollar for every man, woman and child in the country.
Morphyne.com immediately submitted its own PATENT :
1. Buy a regular AAA battery
2. Put it in your pocket
3. Leave your car in the garage and walk, ride a bike, share a ride
switch to a very fuel-efficient automobile
or
if possible, take intelligent public transportation whenever and wherever you want.
4. Expect everyone else to do same thing.
5. Replace the battery every 100 years or every one trillion miles, whichever comes first.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/06/23/america/mccain.php
AIR TRAVEL
Challenged by rising fuel prices, the airlines are beginning to charge
for things which would have never before crossed your mind
like luggage and beverages for instance.
US Airways is the first airline to charge two dollars for drinks, any drinks, including WATER.
Unfortunately, most other carriers will probably follow suit.
In the future, here are some of the fees the airlines are planning to charge you :
-five dollars per peanut
-ten dollars every time you go to the bathroom
-twenty dollars if you want to speak to a flight attendant
-fifty dollars if you want to look out the window
-one hundred dollars if you opt to sit down in a seat during flight
-two hundred dollars for air, cabin pressure and light
-three hundred dollars for take-off and another three hundred if you prefer to eventually land
-one thousand dollars for your own parachute
-two thousand dollars for a flight insurance policy purchased on board
-five thousand dollars for in-flight movies, internet, magazines, pillows, blankets and phones
On the bright side though :
noise engine, screaming babies, limited space, motion sickness and body odors will continue to be free of charge.
For details go to :
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/19/business/19air.html?scp=8&sq=airlines&st=nyt
LAW & ORDER
The European Parliament voted to allow illegal immigrants
to be held in detention centers for up to 18 months pending deportation.
Expelled immigrants who defy the order to leave
can be banned from re-entering the European Union for up to five years.
The vast majority of immigrants go to Europe from North Africa
the Middle East and from the former Soviet bloc countries.
It is estimated that approximately 8 million illegal immigrants live in the European Union.
At least ELEVEN million illegal immigrants live in the United States
but (ambivalently) we do NOT have a European Parliament here !
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/06/19/europe/EU-GEN-EU-Immigration.php
INTERNET
The European Parliament is regarding internet blogs as DANGEROUS
and plans to introduce rules and regulations filtering, limiting and controlling
the free expression of this DANGEROUS medium.
For that, a Commission for Internet Deontology has been set up in France.
The commission would like to impose an Index of Quality which would precisely label
who is writing what and why on the net.
According to this index, blogs would have to be CERTIFIED.
Many blogs pollute the cyberspace and are written by unscrupulous people
the commission decided
and because of that, they intend to look at blogs as a THREAT.
Blogs can be a powerful instrument of communication
so the commission will be keeping a very close eye on them.
Which is why George Orwell moved his blog ( www.morphyne.com ) to the United States,
where it is said that he is doing quite well these most dangerous days.
For details go to :
http://fr.news.yahoo.com/pcinpact/20080620/ttc-pour-l-europe-les-blogs-sont-une-for-c2f7783.html
SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY
The Phoenix Mars lander has discovered TWO FOOTPRINTS on planet Mars
as you can see in this picture.
Inexplicably though, the footprints seem to be going absolutely nowhere.
The mysterious Mars walker seems to have worn two different shoe sizes and to have had very rectangular feet.
He seems to have been standing still all along.
NASA scientists are now trying to calculate exactly how long
and especially WHY.
For details go to :
http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/phoenix/images/index.html
CONFUSION
Gay and lesbian people in California can now officially marry a person of the same sex.
Here are a few questions we received from some of our very confused readers :
-Can I marry MYSELF ? asked us a very narcissistic homosexual man.
-Can I marry a CLOSE RELATIVE if he or she is a homosexual person ?
-Can I marry TWO different homosexual people?
-Can I marry a FICTIONAL gay movie star but never tell anyone ?
-Can a homosexual man marry a lesbian woman ?
-Can a homosexual priest marry a lesbian nun ?
-Can an effeminate homosexual man marry a lesbian woman who looks like a man ?
-Can bisexual swingers marry a bisexual COUPLE ?
-Can a lonely homosexual man marry a stranger he has just met in a bar ?
-Can a transvestite marry a clown ?
and so on and so on ..
For details go to :
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1813699,00.html?xid=rss-topstories
PRESCRIPTION
Countries like Germany, France, Great Britain and Canada have laws banning HATE SPEECH.
What exactly falls under this category ? Let us see :
A Canadian magazine published an article arguing that the rise of Islam threatens Western values.
The magazine has been SUED.
It is now barred from saying similar things, it was forced to publish a rebuttal
and to compensate Muslims for injuring their "dignity, feelings and self respect."
Give us a politically correct break, please !
In the United States, this debate has been settled a long time ago.
Under the First Amendment, newspapers and magazines can say WHATEVER they want.
ALL speech remains constitutionally protected.
Which is why Morphyne.com will continue to spew this terrible drug called THE TRUTH.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/06/11/america/hate.php
The creator of Morphyne.com. 1960.
Go to :
http://www.veoh.com/videos/v593112XC4MJ9hC
ECOLOGY
China is now consuming more than twice as much as what its ecosystem can sustainably supply.
The Chinese have an average ecological footprint of 1.6 hectares
which means that each person needs 1.6 hectares of biologically productive land to support its needs.
If China were to equal the lifestyle of the United States
where each person demands nearly 10 hectares of productive area
China would soon demand the available capacity of the ENTIRE planet.
Wouldn't it be nice to fly from California (in China) to Europe (also in China)
and back to Beijing
and to see nothing but never-ending hectares of ecological footprints ?
For details go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080610/sc_afp/wwfchinaenvironment_080610024306
BLACK & WHITE
In a very strange confrontation, film director Spike Lee made headlines these days
by accusing Clint Eastwood of directing two back-to-back films about World War Two
without having ANY black actors up on the screen.
Clint Eastwood turned silently ANGRY and criminally whispered at him :
-Go ahead, punk, make my day !
He pulled a Colt 45 and shot Spike Lee six times in his mind.
(Ironically, Clint Eastwood is currently making a film about Nelson Mandela in South Africa.
The film has an all-white cast. Russell Crowe is playing Nelson Mandela).
For details go to :
http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/photos/la-et-directorfeuds-2008-pg,0,751128.photogallery
Fake, but true.
Go to :
http://www.veoh.com/videos/v593112XC4MJ9hC
ST. PETERSBURG
Russian President Dmitry Medvedev blamed "aggressive" United States policies for the global financial and economic crisis.
Sworn in last month as president, the Russian leader said that world institutions have been unable to cope
with the volatility of the markets and with the soaring commodity and food prices.
"Failure by the biggest financial firms in the world to adequately take risk into account
coupled with the aggressive financial policies of the biggest economy in the world have led to the disaster you're in"
Medvedev told Russia's main annual event for international investors in St Petersburg.
Russia is currently in the 10th year of an economic BOOM fueled by the soaring prices of its oil and gas exports
so Medvedev suggested that Moscow's growing economic power could be the solution
to all things wrong in the West.
Which is like an immaculately white wolf inviting a black flamingo to tango.
Thank you, Mr. Medvedev, but who needs an enemy when one can have such a wonderful friend ?
For details go to :
http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSL0749277620080607
ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL
Young adults experience NEWS FATIGUE and have trouble comprehending in-depth stories.
This, according to the latest global media conference.
The news consumption behavior of today's young readers differs profoundly from that of previous generations
and from an era when people sat down to watch the evening news or read the morning paper.
Today's youth feels bombarded by facts, news, advertising, noise, gossip, repetition
e-mail, spam, cell phone calls and text messages.
They are on an every day diet of junk and worthless information.
And all this on top of classes and school.
So what is there to do ?
Pink Floyd said it very well, back in 1979 :
-HEY, TEACHERS, LEAVE THOSE KIDS ALONE !!
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/06/02/news/Sweden-Young-Readers.php
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
If elected candidate of the Democratic Party
Hillary Clinton promised to bring back Bill Clinton as Vice President on her ticket
to lower the gasoline price to 99 cents for ONE second
and to move our troops from Irak to Irak.
Would THAT swing your pendulum as a voter ?
For details go to :
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/03/us/politics/03bill.html?ref=politics
EDITORIAL
A very strange thing happened on the way to the office :
Companies are shifting to a 4-day work week in order to combat soaring gasoline prices.
Flexible work schedules and telecommuting are the latest ideas.
Forty percent of the workforce is changing the way they commute
doing things such as sharing a ride, driving a more fuel-efficient car
using public transportation or working from home.
Which means that the higher oil prices go
the less hours and days we shall work at the office.
And then there is tomorrow's SCENARIO :
Approaching ten dollars a gallon, just hit the snooze button
and go back to sleep !
TRUE STORY
Universal Studios. 1971.
A 25-year-old film director walked into an executive producer's office
and announced that he would not be able to direct a TV episode
he was supposed to start prepping the next day.
He was too tired after a very long and difficult shoot
the young director explained.
-Too tired ? YOU WILL NEVER WORK AT UNIVERSAL AGAIN !!
shouted the very furious producer.
The young film director walked out, indifferent and calm.
P.S. His name was Steven Spielberg.
CANNES
Sharon Stone got into deep trouble, believe it or not,
following a Cannes film festival red carpet interview during which
she suggested that the recent earthquake in China might have been
some kind of a divine pay-back for the way China is handling Tibet.
Deep, isn't it ?
The Chinese are ANGRY as hell
and promised to arrest, torture and execute Sharon Stone
if she ever sets foot on the Chinese mainland.
Sharon was in Cannes for the premiere of "Speaking While Blonde"
her latest reality film.
For details go to :
INDIANA
Greg Losh is drilling for oil in his backyard.
His backyard is right here, in the United States of America.
Greg's goal is to pump one hundred barrels a day.
He sells the oil in the open market. Refineries buy it right away.
Multiply this story by a few hundred thousand
and you will be paying a fair price for American gasoline at the pump.
If not, there will be blood, as they say ..
For details go to :
http://www.wthr.com/global/story.asp?s=8348967
MARS
The United States has successfully landed a robotic spacecraft on Mars.
The $ 420 million dollar mission is EXTREMELY important
because it could lead to the very important conclusion that there is absolutely ZERO life
on the completely dead planet.
That, and the fact the the spacecraft will be sending very nice and colorful pictures of NOTHING.
(the location of the Mars lander will then be acquired by Starbucks)
For the actual facts go to :
http://phoenix.lpl.arizona.edu/
THE 2008 CANNES INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL
Clint Eastwood married Angelina Jolie at the Cannes film festival
only to find out that cinema and reality are two DIFFERENT dreams altogether.
http://www.festival-cannes.fr/en.html
Woody Allen flew to Cannes to marry Penelope Cruz
only to find found out that French law would NOT allow him
to marry a character of a film in his mind.
When in Cannes, do as the Canadians do !
Looking like a true movie star, Michael Moore seems to have temporarily given up his typical
UNSHAVEN-24-7-BASEBALL-CAP-WEARING-BIG-MOUTH-FAT-SLOB appearance
for a much more festive GROSSLY-OBESE-SNAKE-OIL-SALESMAN-CUSTOM-MADE-SUIT look !
The Institute for Human Perfection has determined that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
are a PERFECT couple.
Everything about the two superstars is absolutely perfect, the IHP study shows
down to the normal lives that they live
and to the army of agents, managers, attorneys, advisers, bodyguards, personal assistants and publicity people
which are making sure that their lives are perfect, exquisite and REAL.
TRUE STORY
Tokyo.
A parrot named YOSUKE flew out of his cage and out the window and got lost in the city.
People found him exhausted and sad on top of a roof.
Suddenly, Yosuke the parrot started to SPEAK :
-I am Yosuke Nakamura, he said.
Yosuke then provided his full home address, down to the street number
and entertained everyone by singing tunes he had heard in the Nakamura household.
-We checked the address, and what do you know, a Nakamura family really lived there,
recounted one of his saviors. We asked them if Yosuke was theirs.
The Nakamura family was ecstatic. They said YES.
It turned out that they had been teaching the bird its name and address for two years.
Yosuke Nakamura.
Can YOUR pet do that ?
For details go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080521/ap_on_fe_st/odd_japan_parrot_returns_2
THE VATICAN
The Vatican announced yesterday that it is OK to believe in extra-terrestrial aliens !
The vastness of the universe may contain intelligent alien life which does NOT contradict the faith in God
says the NEW Vatican theology.
Which should NOT come as a surprise after hundreds and hundreds of years of sheer lunacy
during which the Vatican has sighted a vast gallery of strange UFOs
such as a PARTICULAR INVISIBLE OLD MAN whom no one has ever seen, encountered or met
a virgin woman with child
a squadron of flying apostles who have never had an erotic dream in their lives
and an ascetic itinerant Jew who dies every year
but who cyclically comes back to life the same year
and always at the very same time.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/05/14/news/vat.php
FRANCE
The 2008 International Cannes Film Festival starts today.
Sean Penn is the President of the Jury, which means that some kind of
radical anti-American, flag-burning, George-Bush-hating, Obama-praising
politically correct, marijuana-smoking. left-wing militant eco-movie
will very likely win the Palme d'Or this year.
For details go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080515/ap_en_ot/film_cannes_sean_penn;_ylt=AurMIR6w.piusG9x7KAsrsys0NUE
JERUSALEM
Jewish people all over the world are celebrating the 60th anniversary of the founding of the State of Israel.
At the same time, Israel's Arab neighbors are mourning the same day as "Nakba" or Catastrophe Day.
"The only difference between a wise man and a fool is that the wise man knows he is wise"
says a very old Japanese proverb.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/05/08/africa/08israel.php
MOSCOW
Dmitry Medvedev was inaugurated as Russia's NEW president today.
Medvedev took the oath of office in the Kremlin, in front of television cameras
and of international dignitaries from all over the world.
During the oath, Medvedev nominated Vladimir Putin as Prime Minister in Charge of the Presidency
and pledged to continue his policies, whether he likes them or not.
During his inaugural address, Medvedev spoke about civil rights and about civil and economic freedom.
But Vladimir Putin asked him to SHUT UP and sit down. Putin continued the inaugural address by himself.
The inauguration ceremony was eerie, unsettling and strange.
Putin arrived first, in a black Mercedes-Benz stretch limousine with gold hubcaps
and with a large Red Star graffiti on the side of the car.
Medvedev arrived later, by bus.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/05/07/europe/08russia.2.php
FILM
The Coen Brothers have announced that they SPLIT
and that they will no longer make movies TOGETHER.
Joel Coen will continue to make movies under the name THE COEN BROTHER
while Ethan Coen will stay in the shadow
and only write, produce and direct Joel's movies, like an invisible Siamese self.
For details go to :
Portrait of Gertrude Stein
by Pablo Picasso
The Metropolitan Museum of Art
New York
Gertrude Stein : -I do not look like that !
Pablo Picasso : -You will !
LONDON
Former prime minister Tony Blair was caught traveling on a train without a ticket
and without any cash on him to pay the fare.
He was traveling from London to Heathrow to catch a flight to the United States.
His bodyguard offered to pay the ticket, but the ticket inspector responded
that the former world leader could travel for free.
Very strange story, isn't it ?
If it wasn't 100 % true, you'd say it's morphyne.
Imagine driving to Costco one day and seeing Bill Clinton on the side of the road
getting a speeding ticket for being driven too fast in a black limousine.
Or Bin Laden getting a slap on his wrist for smoking dollar bills
with Snoop Doggy Dog in the Vatican dome.
Or Napoleon Bonaparte going to jail for not filing his 2008 tax return.
And so on and so on ..
For details go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080423/en_afp/britainpoliticsoffbeat
AIR TRAVEL
Airlines will start charging customers for checking a SECOND bag at the airport.
Morphyne.com however has a few simple ideas to avoid such additional fees :
-pack your second bag in your first bag
-compress any additional luggage to the point where it fits in only ONE bag
-buy an additional ticket and bring along a companion
which gives you the right to a free additional bag
-check yourself in AS luggage and avoid paying for the passenger seat
-fly Business Class or First Class, which are exempt from morally offensive additional luggage fees
-miss your flight and avoid paying ANY additional fees for your additional luggage
-cancel your ticket, stay home and unpack your additional luggage
-watch the evening news and see how OTHER people struggle at the airport with their additional luggage
as they pay their nauseating airline additional fees.
-fly exclusively in your DREAMS where there are NO additional fees.
For details go to :
SCIENCE
Edward Lorenz, the father of the famous CHAOS THEORY died yesterday at the age of 90.
A professor of mathematics at the The Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Edward Lorenz has developed the landmark "butterfly effect theory" in a a book called
"Predictability: Does the Flap of a Butterfly's Wings in Brazil Set off a Tornado in Texas?"
which is the story of a cute little butterfly in the Amazon jungle flapping his wings in order to set off a tornado in Dallas.
Here is the story :
A colorful butterfly lands on a flower which attracts a wild bee which stings a Brazilian dancer
who flies to Miami on an airplane which crashes in the Bermuda Triangle
where God is mixing the waters which will rain over Tokyo while ice is melting away in Alaska
where the sun is as cold as the sand in the Mexican desert, where heat will turn into water
and where temperature and air pressure will explode in a second.
And bingo, that is how you suddenly have a tremendous tornado across the border in Texas !
For details go to :
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/17/us/17lorenz.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=lorenz&st=nyt&oref=slogin
PARIS
Brigitte Bardot is on trial in France, facing charges of fanning racial hatred against Muslims.
In a letter to French president Nicolas Sarkozy, the legendary actress
accused France's Muslim population of destroying France.
French anti-racism laws severely punish the expression of hatred on racial or religious grounds.
-She should rot in jail ! commented a typical Parisian on his way to the mosque.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/04/17/news/France-Bardot.php
NOSTRADAMUS.COM
There is 1 in 450 chances that an asteroid called Apophis will be colliding with Earth in the year 2036.
At that point, the asteroid will be a ball of iron and iridium weighing 200 billion tonnes.
The impact would create huge tsunami waves, destroying both coastlines of the Atlantic
and creating a thick cloud of dust which would darken the skies for the next hundreds of years.
So if you're worried about property value, about global warming or about what to tell your kids about this
why don't you seize the day, go and invest in infrared eyeglasses and throw your watch and your worries away ?
For details go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080415/sc_afp/spaceastronomygermany_080415214429
NEW YORK
A silent, black-and-white 15-minute film of Marilyn Monroe engaged in oral sex with an unidentified man
has been bought by an unidentified New York businessman for $1.5 million.
As you know, Monroe was rumored to have had an affair with U.S. President John F. Kennedy.
Marilyn Monroe's husband, baseball great Joe DiMaggio tried to buy the film at that time, but he was unsuccessful.
WHY Marilyn Monroe would do such a thing ON CAMERA remains a mystery.
Except to the unidentified man, of course.
For details go to :
http://www.reuters.com/article/peopleNews/idUSN1448222320080415
PARIS
A nude photo of Mrs. Sarkozy has sold at a New York auction for ninety-one thousand dollars.
Which means that Nicolas Sarkozy makes approximately $ 91,000 per night.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/04/11/arts/NA-A-E-ART-US-Nude-First-Lady.php
MILAN
Crooks in Italy have fraudulently produced a line of fashion clothes using George Clooney's name.
The Italian police seized garments and watches after a complaint was filed by the famous movie star.
-If someone tries to sell you watches and clothes with my name on them, don't buy them !
said Clooney.
Which is like shooting himself in the foot
because next year George Clooney is coming out with his OWN brand of clothes
named how else ?
George Clooney, of course.
For details go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080410/ap_en_ot/people_clooney_2
PARIS
Absolut Vodka of Sweden, owned by the French conglomerate Pernod Ricard
has launched an advertising campaign showing a map of the United States
with its entire Southwest clearly marked as Mexican territory.
(see picture for details)
A Pernod Ricard spokesperson explained that the map is a
FUTURE map of the United States
and not an old 1846 Mexican war map, as previously thought.
Which made all avid Absolut critics shut up, pack up and go home
impressed with the accuracy of the ad.
Morphyne.com will soon unveil an ad campaign for French wine
in which a picture of France is shown as part of Germany's map.
See how THEY feel about that !
Go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080408/us_nm/mexico_absolut_dc
EUROPE
Harry's Bar, the famed Venice restaurant frequented by Ernest Hemingway
is offering a twenty percent discount to poor Americans who are traveling in Europe.
The decision underscores the growing concern about the weak dollar
and the declining value of the greenback.
The dollar only buys about sixty cents these days.
Elsewhere in Europe canteens and soup kitchens have been set up
to help provide basic needs to millions of American tourists
stranded on a continent where supermarket shopping has become a luxury trip.
-I make in one month what I spend here in one day !
said an American tourist from Chicago
while looking at the menu of a three-star French restaurant in Paris.
And to help with depression, some European hotels have even been rumored to have offered
free breakfast, free toilet paper, free soap and free mints.
For details go to :
http://www.reuters.com/article/lifestyleMolt/idUSL0744728220080407
Should Hillary quit ?
No, she should just turn into a cool, pleasant, relaxed and believable nymph !
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/04/01/america/Clinton-Labor.php
POLITICAL CORECTNESS
Hillary Clinton announced that as president, she would defend gay people's rights.
Barack Obama immediately fired back by saying that he would also
defend all illegal immigrants' rights.
Hillary Clinton countered that she would defend the rights of anyone
who does not speak English or without a high school diploma.
Barack Obama replied that he would defend foreigners' and alleged terrorists' rights.
Hillary Clinton responded that she would make Guantanamo her home office.
Barack Obama declared that he would give up his U.S. citinzenship
and move to the country of France.
Hillary Clinton threatened that she would start funding Iraqi insurgents.
WHERE is this presidential race finally going to end ?
For details go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/csm/20080404/ts_csm/ascenarios;_ylt=Araluww_W4k7I_3Nb_YZOS6s0NUE
THE VATICAN
For the first time ever
there are more Muslims than Catholics in the world
the Vatican announced yesterday.
19.2 % vs. 17.4 %
So the next time you sit in your church and you see people praying to Allah
you should consider one of the following things :
-Head for the parking lot right away
-Convert instantly
-Get used to the thought that Jesus Christ has NEVER existed
or
-Move over to the Scientology Church
where Tom Cruise teaches what's bad and what's right
where he preaches that all religions are wrong
and that your ONLY savior is in fact a Hollywood God.
For details go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080330/ap_on_re_eu/vatican_muslims;_ylt=AiQ7CCOWAkstsiJQVsH8yFys0NUE
QUESTION : Who has the right-of-way in an Algerian intersection ?
___________________________________________________________________________________
PARIS
Air France has introduced FREE CHAMPAGNE service
in ALL classes of service on its transatlantic routes.
Wow !
What's next ?
Rumors are that Air France will introduce
a free on-demand lap dance to any man over the age of 16
and that in First and Business Class the airline will offer
French services we cannot even print here.
Air France.
They love to "fly" and it shows.
For details go to :
QUANTUM PHYSICS
Let's face it, the problem most people have
with the current 2008 presidential election
is the fact that
Barack Obama is black, that John McCain is old
and that Hillary Clinton is a woman.
So if Barack Obama were a woman and Hillary Clinton were black
John McCain would mathematically lose the election
because he is a man and because he is white.
For details go to :
http://www.usatoday.com/news/politics/election2008/2008-03-27-dems-versus-mccain_N.htm?csp=34
-I need to go to the bathroom right NOW ! said Sarkozy.
So the captain of the guard showed him a pretty good spot.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/03/26/europe/EU-GEN-Britain-France-Summit.php
For your information, this is Carla Bruni, the First Lady of France
and current wife of French President Nicolas Sarkozy.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/03/25/news/France-Bruni-Nude.php
TEXAS
A young man in Texas was pronounced dead after he was injured in an all-terrain vehicle accident.
Brain scans were showing no activity and no blood flow whatsoever
so his family approved having his internal organs removed.
Suddenly though he moved his foot and his hand.
After 48 days in the hospital, he was allowed to go home.
So if someone ever pronounces YOU dead, do NOT believe them.
Get up and simply walk away.
If you can.
For details go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080324/ap_on_fe_st/not_dead
LIFEOLOGY
A new study shows that money CAN indeed buy happiness
but only as long as :
-Happiness is extremely inexpensive and CHEAP
-Happiness has a VERY low and primitive standard
-Happiness is defective, inferior, unhealthy, pathetic, fake and it STINKS
-Happiness is made of 100 % synthetic or artificial ILLUSION
-Happiness lasts only one second
-One second costs only ONE disappointment per tear !
For details go to :
http://www.veoh.com/videos/v4795253BW9wkkH
PARIS
Very few people know it, but all UFOs are owned by Air France.
The French airline was designed to secretly transport duplicitous spouses all over the planet.
French two-timing husbands and horny mischievous wives
do NOT necessarily want to get caught with a SIN in their pants.
Which is why Air France cannot always use public and visible aircraft.
So they fly UFOs.
Did you know that monogamy is not only antiquated but also IMMORAL in France ?
For details go to :
ASTRONOMY
Barack Obama maintains that he is BLACK when his mother is WHITE.
-I am offended by that ! writes to us an angry Morphyne.com reader
who happens to be half Japanese and half German.
-What If my mother was from Venus and my father from Mars ?
Would I be in a position to say that I have a sudden solar eclipse of my mind ?
For details go to :
http://60minutes.yahoo.com/segment/39/barack_obama
PICTURE OF THE DAY :
SAINT-TROPEZ.
The captain of this ship is a bit CONFUSED. He should have asked for directions
or he should have known that the liquor store does NOT have a parking lot on the beach !
WASHINGTON
A new kind of candidate is emerging
in the United States presidential elections :
he is half Latino, half black, half Asian, half gay, half Jewish
and only ten percent white.
His mother is a man and his father is a lesbian blonde.
He studied political correctness at the Karl Marx University in Berkeley
and is married to a fellow member of the Atheist Church.
They live in a house in the suburbs, they have 1.5 children
and a two-car hybrid garage.
His name is Fernando J. Goldstein.com
For details go to :
http://www.veoh.com/videos/v593112XC4MJ9hC
ENVIRONMENT
The air in 345 U.S. cities is simply too dirty to breathe, the EPA announced yesterday.
The Environmental Protection Agency admitted that the amount of ozone
commonly known as SMOG
is so high that it makes people drop dead with heart and asthma attacks.
In case you happen to live in one of the top 345 cities in this country
our advice is simple, practical and efficient :
Do NOT breathe !
For details go to : http://www.epa.gov
ANNIVERSARY
Guess whose birthday is today ?
Albert Einstein's.
Had he been alive, he would have been 129 years old.
But had he opted to travel at the speed of light and in conditions of zero gravity
time would have curved backwards
just as he hypothesized in his famous THEORY of RELATIVITY.
Which means that in 2008
Albert Einstein could have been 20 years old.
For details go to :
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_relativity
BOMBAY
India suspended an arrest warrant against Richard Gere
who was wanted for breaking Indian laws by KISSING an Indian actress
at a public event last year in Mumbai.
Too bad the Hollywood star did not know that India does NOT have a law against **** ing.
For details go to :
http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/world/AP-People-Gere.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=gere&st=nyt&oref=slogin
IRAQ
The war in Iraq will cost the United States
approximately TWELVE BILLION dollars a month.
Which comes down to four hundred million dollars a day
seventeen million dollars an hour
two hundred and eighty thousand dollars a minute
or four thousand six hundred and thirty dollars per second.
How much are YOU paying for your mental insurance
these days ?
For details go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080309/ap_on_re_mi_ea/iraq_war_costs
OIL
Gasoline prices have gone up FIFTY PERCENT per woman
as you can see in the picture below :
OPINION
One cannot help but wonder why so many Democrats are so famously famous
and why so many rich celebrities trumpet the fact
that they are so ferociously liberal.
Does one determine the other
OR
does the first condition determine the second ?
Is it GUILT ? Opportunism ? Public relations ? Delusion ?
Or simply a personal rendition of Faust ?
How could one solve this catch-22 puzzle with only ONE question ?
For instance :
Would Susan Sarandon have helped a struggling Republican Shakespeare ?
ENERGY
Time to set your clock one hour backward or forward ?
A new study shows that Daylight Saving Time actually RAISES utility bills.
Designed as a measure to save energy, DST is in fact costing consumers billions of dollars a year.
Which is why more and more people think that Daylight Saving Time
should be replaced by a NEW concept called Nighttime Wasting Plan.
According to the Nighttime Wasting Plan, most people would turn their clocks 12 hours ahead
and go to bed first thing in the morning
thereby saving all the energy they would normally use in the course of a day.
Brilliant, isn't it ?
For details go to :
http://tech.yahoo.com/blog/null/83073
JERUSALEM
An Israeli professor of cognitive psychology at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem
claims that Moses was high on psychedelic drugs
when he heard God deliver the Ten Commandments on Mount Sinai.
Mind-altering substances were part of the religious rites of Israelites in biblical times.
Which immediately triggers the question :
Was Jesus Christ high ? The 12 Apostles ? Michelangelo ?
Mohammed ? The Pope ?
If so, are we to believe that consciousness is transcendent, that fact is a myth
or that illusion is unequivocally real ?
For details go to :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080304/od_afp/israelreligionoffbeat;_ylt=ApeRUVspZfFYWroaCmcg8pus0NUE
BREAKING NEWS
Economists have calculated that despite an alarming inflation
we are NOT in a recession
because the economy is NOT receding.
It is only stagnating.
Which means that we are experiencing a dubious mix
called STAGFLATION.
Don't you feel better already ?
For details go to :
http://www.reuters.com/article/bankingFinancial/idUSN1636789220071217
MOSCOW
Russia has a new leader :
DMITRY MEDVEDEV
a 42-year-old seemingly unassuming attorney and business executive
handpicked and heralded by President Putin.
The new leader will be working 9 AM to 6 PM in the Kremlin Palace.
Vladimir Putin will stand behind his shoulder
and tell him what to do, what to say and to whom.
At six o'clock in the afternoon every day
Dmitry Medvedev will pack his attaché case and go home.
For details, read :
Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Chekhov
and especially Shakespeare.
Go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/03/04/europe/EU-POL-Russia-Presidential-Election.php
NEW YORK
A Belgian writer admitted that her story of escaping the Nazis and living with wolves in a forest
is a FANTASY.
She wrote in her book that Nazis seized her parents when she was a child
forcing her to wander the forests and villages of Europe alone for four years.
She claimed she was adopted by a pack of wolves that protected her.
Her best-selling book was translated into 18 languages and made into a feature film in France.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/02/29/arts/Holocaust-Book-Hoax.php
Shortly thereafter
J.R.R. Tolkien admitted that he had entirely made up "The Lord of the Rings"
J.K. Rowling confessed that "Harry Potter" is fictional, imaginary and unreal
and many other authors are expected to discretely come forward as well.
BREAKING NEWS
1234567890 people have died today.
Many more got depressingly sick, had a terrible accident or simply got old.
Is your clock ticking right now, as we speak ?
Go to :
http://www.koerperwelten.de/Downloads/movies/BW2_LosAngeles.mp4
POLITICS
Barack Obama has announced that IF elected President of the United States
he would hire Oprah Winfrey as Vice President
Spike Lee as Secretary of State, Evander Holyfield as Secretary of Defense
Al Sharpton as Attorney General
Louis Farrakhan as U.S. Ambassador to Hollywood
and Paris Hilton as Speaker of the House.
Go Obama !
For details go to : http://www.barackobama.com/
LIFE
Statistics show that one in three people will develop CANCER.
One in three people ?
Do YOU know any TWO people and have you seen them lately ?
For details go to :
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/content/CRI_2_4_1x_Who_gets_cancer.asp?sitearea=
WHAT ?
A 1.2 billion dollars B-2 stealth bomber
the most sophisticated and expensive military aircraft in the world
has CRASHED on the Pacific island of Guam.
The airplane is a STEALTH aircraft however
so no one knows where it crashed, where the wreckage is
or where to look for survivors.
For details go to :
http://www.nytimes.com/reuters/news/news-usa-bomber-crash.html?scp=3&sq=b-2&st=nyt
BELGRADE
Serb rioters broke into the U.S. Embassy and set it on fire.
They were protesting the fact that the United States had just recognized Kosovo as a state.
Had the United States NOT recognized Kosovo
rioters would have burned down the U.S. Embassy for NOT recognizing Kosovo as a state.
Had the United States ignored Kosovo
rioters would have burned down the U.S. Embassy for ignoring Kosovo as a state.
Which brings us to the fourth and final dilemma :
-Which is the quadrature of an egg ?
For details go to :
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/22/world/europe/22kosovo.html?hp
HOLLYWOOD
The Oscars will take place tomorrow, February 24, 2008.
Only Morphyne.com knows IN ADVANCE who exactly will win in every category
so if you want to impress someone or to win major bets
contact@morphyne.com
SPACE
Whether you know it or not,
a total lunar eclipse will take place tonight, February 20, 2008.
Such a phenomenon is VERY rare.
It occurs when the dark side of the sun turns to the night side of nowhere
or
when a massive lunar implosion traps all the invisible light emitted by a very black hole.
The eclipse will NOT be visible once it is over.
The next lunar eclipse will take place on September 11, 2001.
For details go to :
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/02/19/america/Lunar-Eclipse.php
HAVANA
Fidel Castro has officially announced that he will finally step down from his position
as president, CEO and owner of Cuba.
He named Che Guevara as his hand-picked successor,
then lit up a cigar and went for a one-way walk in the cemetery.
For details go to : http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/19/world/americas/19castro.html?hp
COPENHAGEN
Statistics show that of all countries, Denmark has the HAPPIEST people in the world.
A very high standard of living, very high income, free education and medical care
as well as a very grim weather and the fact that most Danish people (starting with Hamlet)
have already killed themselves in depression
make Denmark one of the happiest places on Earth.
For details go to : http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/5224306.stm
VIDEO
Go to : http://www.veoh.com/videos/v593112XC4MJ9hC
SWITZERLAND
Masked and armed professional art thieves broke into a museum collection in Zurich
and stole a Cézanne, a Degas, a Van Gogh and a Monet, worth an estimated $163 million.
What the thieves did NOT know was that tiny GPS transmitters were embedded into the paintings.
The police simply went to their homes and arrested the thieves.
Which ironically demonstrates that masterpiece theft is a criminal art by itself.
For details go to : http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/02/17/europe/art.php
BOOK REVIEW
Go to : http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/17/books/review/Donadio-t.html
HEIL CLINTON !!!
SAIGON
New information comes to show that it was the VIETNAMESE
who bombed Pearl Harbor in 1941, not the Japanese, as previously thought,
so the whole World War Two story seems to have been a massive MISUNDERSTANDING.
Read this :
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/14/books/14dumb.html?em&ex=1203310800&en=ed986aa2c486c13d&ei=5087%0A
OR
To see the video of a young, sexy, beautiful blonde go to :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juOQhTuzDQ0
HOLLYWOOD
The Pentagon has announced that it is getting involved in the motion picture business.
It is currently in production with the following big-budget feature movie :
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/15/us/15satellite.html?_r=1&ref=washington&oref=slogin
HEALTH & SCIENCE
Genes that helped early humans adapt to cold climates
may be driving metabolism-related diseases such as obesity and diabetes today,
researchers have found.
Hmmm.
We wonder what artificial food, medication, radiation, mercury and un-breathable air
will do to our metabolism in the future ..
http://www.reuters.com/article/healthNews/idUSN1448364520080215
February 14. Valentine's Day.
To see how most men feel today, go ahead and play the following video :
http://www.youtube.com/swf/l.swf?video_id=0sOOiMijbIo
CHINA
The Chinese New Year started a few days ago, on February 9th.
Why the Chinese would choose to celebrate New Year's Eve on a gray Thursday evening in February
is hard to comprehend, unless you are Chinese, of course.
"Chinatown" a landmark documentary film by convoluted director Roman Polansky
tried to answer this question, but in the end even the famous director
got his nose cut, gave up and went back to France.
Go to : http://www.moviewallpapers.net/images/wallpapers/1974/chinatown/chinatown-1-1024.jpg
BAGHDAD
Oscar-winning actress Angelina Jolie brought her star power to Baghdad
on a mission to possibly solve the current quagmire in Iraq.
The famous actress said there needs to be a more coherent plan,
which means one that even SHE could possibly understand.
-"What happens in Iraq is going to affect the entire Middle East" she told reporters,
in her infinite wisdom.
Angelina Jolie also advised top U.S. commander in Iraq Gen. David Petraeus on military issues,
Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki on internal and national issues and Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice
on international issues.
Television news footage showed Angelina Jolie mingling with American troops at a dining facility
in the heavily guarded Green Zone.
Most U.S. troops had a visible hard-on.
For details go to : http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/arts/AP-Angelina-Jolie.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=angelina&st=nyt&oref=slogin
PAKISTAN
Taliban militants declared a cease-fire in fighting with Pakistani forces,
and the government said it was preparing for peace talks with al-Qaida-linked extremists
in the lawless tribal area near the border with Afghanistan.
In other news, crocodiles made peace with all swimming mammals,
Arabs with Jews and gasoline with wild fire.
For details go to : http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080207/ap_on_re_as/pakistan
ANKARA
The Turkish parliament adopted a constitutional amendment allowing women to finally wear whatever they want.
We would like to remind you that the year is 2008 and that Turkey is a candidate
for full membership in the European Union.
Under Turkish law, men already have the right to wear clothes in public.
For details go to : http://www.nytimes.com/reuters/world/international-turkey-headscarf.html?_r=1&oref=slogin
NEW YORK
Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton
made a rite of passage appearance on David Letterman's late night TV show
on the eve of Super Bowl Sunday
and took the opportunity to explain the influence she would have
if she becomes the first woman president of the United States.
-Workplace adultery would get the death penalty,
the republican party would become not only politically incorrect
but also immoral, unconstitutional and illegal,
full coverage U.S. medical insurance would be free to any citizen of any country,
all illegal aliens would become U.S. citizens
and anyone NOT working would not have to pay any taxes,
Mrs. Clinton told a thoroughly stunned CBS audience.
LOS ANGELES
A breakthrough in contract talks has been reached between Hollywood studios and striking WGA writers
and could lead to a tentative deal as early as next week.
The deal would successfully lock up previous points of contention such as :
a minimum wage of $ 500 per hour or one million dollars per draft (whichever comes first)
full coverage medical insurance, hallucinogenic pension funds and residuals,
unlimited business class air transportation and free movies for life.
PARIS
For the official photo of the new First Lady of the French Republic go to :
http://www.indianceleb.com/wallpapers/data/media/5/Carla_Bruni.jpg
Send comments and suggestions to : contact @ morphyne.com
ROME
It looks like Silvio Berlusconi is going to be Italy's prime minister all over again !
That is like seeing Richard Nixon run for the presidency of the United States in 2008
and win unanimously, miraculously and post-humously.
For details go to : http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/02/01/europe/italy.php
SILICON VALLEY
Microsoft has offered to buy internet icon Yahoo with an unsolicited takeover offer of $44.6 billion,
in a bid to challenge Google's dominance of the lucrative online search and advertising markets.
Google responded by offering to buy the Internet, Scandinavia, France
and three main Japanese islands south-west of Brazil.
For details go to : http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/02/technology/02soft.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin
QUANTUM OPTOMETRY
A lot of people all over the world think that a new president in the White House
and a departing George W. Bush will translate into the instant resolution of ALL of our everyday problems :
the economy, the climate, the war in Iraq, the inflation, our standard of living, our social quagmires,
the stock market, the budget deficit and the gasoline price.
Wrong !
An object seen through a wall always seems brighter than it actually is.
MOSCOW
Very few people know it, but a presidential election will take place March 2nd in Russia.
There is (realistically) only ONE candidate and only ONE possible outcome.
President Vladimir Putin cannot run for a third consecutive term under the Constitution,
so he has endorsed a close aide, Dimitri Medvedev, as the next president.
All other candidates are irrelevant.
You think you have it bad in YOUR country ?
If you had to choose between Dimitri Medvedev and Dimitri Medvedev,
which one would you actually choose ?
For details go to : http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/01/30/europe/russia.php
"Every time I read Morphyne.com, I can see light at the end of the gun barrel"
(William Shakespeare)
STATISTICS
Here are the latest U.S. presidential primary polls :
Hillary Clinton 10.2 % Barack Obama 10.2 % Bill Clinton 62.4 %
Go to : http://60minutes.yahoo.com/segment/133/mind_games
NEW YORK
Rudy Giuliani will drop out of the U.S. presidential race after very disappointing results.
He was immediately offered a job as President of Mexico,
where his disciplinarian skills would be SO desperately needed,
the American MAFIA has supposedly offered him a lifetime position as Godfather,
and his second wife has promised to get along just fine with his third wife,
as long as he does not marry someone else very soon.
PARIS
A painting by Alfred de Musset WALKED AWAY from the Louvre Museum
and disappeared into a crowded subway station near Rue de Rivoli.
No one has seen it since.
AFRICA
Over one million men, women and children have been killed by ethnic and religious violence in Africa lately.
To comprehend this situation, imagine over one million germans killed by savage French people
or more than one million Swedish citizens slaughtered by their wild Italian neighbors
armed with screwdrivers, bibles and AK-47s.
For details go to : http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/01/28/africa/kenya.php
BAGHDAD
Five U.S. soldiers were killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq while traveling in a bullet-proof Humvee.
At the same time, an entire Arab family was killed by a roadside bomb in Miami,
while traveling in an air-conditioned Mercedes-Benz S550 on their way to the mall.
N.A.S.A
A disabled American spy satellite is rapidly descending into the atmosphere
and is likely to plunge to Earth by late February or early March,
posing a hair-raising danger to any of us.
No one knows where the 20,000 pounds bus-sized technological dinosaur will crash land,
but that place might very well be your head, your house or your car.
For details go to : http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/01/27/america/satellite.php
AWESOME ALIGNMENT
On February 4th, an awesome, spectacular and exceptional celestial alignment will take place in the sky.
The moon, Venus, Jupiter and the Earth will all be positioned in a straight line.
Which means that on that day, most people will fall in love, get rich or die happy.
For details go to : http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/20080125/sc_space/spectacularskyshowvenusjupiterandthemoon
BEIJING
Due to the very high level of air pollution in Beijing, the Chinese 2008 Summer Olympics Committee
has introduced a NEW olympic discipline :
BREATHING !!
SEATTLE
-Yes, but what I really want to do next, is to play guitar in a rock band !
admitted Bill Gates at the recent World Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Bill Gates secretly made an offer to buy The Rolling Stones, to join Mick Jagger and Keith Richards onstage
and to release a new album in Microsoft code, which would automatically play
every time you turn on any PC anywhere in the world.
PARIS
The French bank Societe Generale said that it has uncovered "an exceptional fraud"
by a French trader who has managed to vaporize 4.9 billion Euros (or about seven billion dollars)
within the last two years.
Reached by phone on his yacht in the Caribbean waters and asked for a comment,
the trader, who is in his early thirties, told Morphyne.com
that "Strawberry Fields Forever" has always been his favorite song ..
For details go to : http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/24/business/worldbusiness/25socgen.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin
NEW YORK
Word goes that a RECESSION is imminent.
Morphyne.com suggests that you sample the wine collection, the gourmet cuisine
and the ocean-view balcony suite of an ultra-luxury cruise ship for a year,
and FORGET all about any recession of any kind.
Voila !
For details go to : http://www.cunard-france.com/qm2.htm
LOS ANGELES
The annual Academy Award nominations have been announced in Los Angeles.
Because of the Writers' Guild strike however, the Oscar nominations did not include any WORDS,
only names, numbers, mathematical formulas and binary code.
TECHNOLOGY
Apple Inc. has unveiled the Swiss Army iPhone,
a hand-held device which can not only make and receive phone calls, browse the internet
or play audio and video files, but it can also open beer and wine bottles,
cut, screw or damage almost anything in your household
as well as randomly hurt, maim or kill people.
The Apple Swiss Army iPhone is only available at Morphyne.com
MEDICINE
After Merck and Schering-Plough announced that their pharmaceutical trophies, ZETIA and VYTORIN,
anti-cholesterol medication costing as much as three dollars per pill
are not only useless but also DANGEROUS to your health,
they released a new online pill which will make you both vomit AND run into glass walls for FREE.
The new medication is sold under the label MORPHYNE.
THE U.S. DOLLAR
The U.S. Dollar will soon be worth about 0.50 Euro,
which means that german automobiles in the United States will become real estate
and that American tourists in Europe will have to STEAL from the stores.
OLYMPICS
Having won the 2000 presidential election,
the Oscar for The Best Film In His Mind and The Nobel Prize for Ecology,
Al Gore has set his sights on winning every single discipline at the Beijing 2008 Summer Olympics,
including marathon, wrestling and figure skating.
RIYADH
President Bush is presently on a tour of several Middle Eastern countries.
When asked about the United States' hopes for peace in the region,
he reportedly told reporters :
"-Yeah, right ! And Guantanamo is an all-you-can-pray Club Med in Cancun !!"
NEW HAMPSHIRE
Presidential Campaign 2008 :
Democratic contender Hillary Clinton has surged FIFTY percent in the polls
by promising to hire Monica Lewinsky as a MAID !
MOSCOW
President Vladimir Putin has vowed NOT to want to give up his powers under ANY circumstances,
not even if another candidate will be chosen by the Russian people during upcoming national elections.
The teary-eyed modern-day Russian dictator then recanted the childhood memory of a friend
who wanted to play with Vladimir's toy locomotive.
Vladimir, then 7, ran to the kitchen and back and HACKED the boy's right hand with a clever.
When the boy's mother arrived, screaming, young Vladimir STABBED her in the ovaries with a fork.
He then picked up his locomotive and walked away, happy.
TEHRAN
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the President of Islamic Republic of Iran,
has promised that if his country were attacked with nuclear weapons by the United States,
he would PERSONALLY destroy every single nuclear submarine, aircraft carrier, jet fighter,
stealth bomber and Ninja warrior in the American arsenal
by using God's own firepower.
Ahmadinejad (53) still lives with his mother, wears the same clothes over and over again,
prays five times a day and has never had sex with a woman.
For details go to : http://www.ahmadinejad.ir/
BAGHDAD
Militant insurgents and fundamentalist islamic guerilla fighters in Iraq
have suggested that a general and permanent cease-fire could happen as soon as tomorrow,
IF the following conditions are met :
-Osama bin Laden assumes the post of Khalif and Chief Administrator
-Saddam Hussein comes back as Peace Negotiator, Ambassador to Kurdistan
and Weapons Of Mass Destruction Inspector
-The Unites States LEAVE Iraq within 24 hours with ALL its equipment and personnel
-Al Qaeda becomes a politically correct membership club with its own television station
-Goats from now on get domestic union status and spousal support
TOKYO
A tremendous 12.5 earthquake has hit Tokyo last night.
Here is what our special correspondent, Fujitsu Watanabe told us over the phone,
LIVE, from the site of collapsing buildings :
-Sayonara !
Go to : http://www.vincentlalo.com
NEW YORK
The price of oil has surpassed the one hundred dollar mark
and is now heading for two hundred dollars a barrel.
At this point, you should maybe consider investing in
roller skates, tandem bicycles, electric airplanes and cold air balloons !
AYORA
A very strong 10.5 earthquake has hit the un-inhibited Galapagos Islands, in the South Pacific.
Iguanas (the only mammals able to survive in that frigid environment)
looked at each other for an hour, then one of them BLINKED, in awe !
Go to : http://www.comics.com/comics/pearls/archive/pearls-20080127.html
LOS ANGELES
The Writers' Guild strike has come to an end yesterday
following a major street fight between picketing writers and the CWIIU
(the Car Wash Illegal Immigrants' Union)
after the illegal immigrants got FED UP with not being able to pocket twenty dollars an hour
by washing the writers' ubiquitous fancy german automobiles.
-How are we supposed to raise a family when sushi prices went up TEN percent ?
said a hispanic fighter wielding a bloody machete and fresh human flesh in his teeth.
PARIS
As you know, French president Nicolas Sarkozy is marrying French supermodel Carla Bruni.
The same day, Italian ex-prime-minister Silvio Berlusconi announced that he will marry Paris Hilton
at the http://venetian.com/ in Venice.
While shopping at the local supermarket
Mrs. Berlusconi said that she had no comment about her husband's story.
To see true European greatness go to : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uxb0JHqzlA
VIRGINIA
Police confiscated display photos of scantily clad men and women from an Abercrombie & Fitch store
after some customers complained, and cited the franchise on a misdemeanor obscenity charge.
Abercrombie & Fitch responded that the photographs did NOT contain any obscenity,
only risqué, scenic snapshots of young girls with exposed breasts and visible underwear,
intoxicated by various levels of lustful intimacy with gorgeous, conveniently naked young boys.
For "morning after" photo samples go to : http://www.abercrombie.com/anf/lifestyles/html/photogallery.html
SHANGHAI
The cost of goods made in China is rising at an alarming rate.
Chinese factories are raising prices because of soaring energy and raw material costs
a weakening dollar, higher wages and operating costs,
as well as because of new regulatory policies unveiled in China over the past year.
The Chinese are subsequently passing those higher costs on to American consumers.
As a result, the price of consumer goods shipped to the United States
and to other countries could soar exponentially.
For instance :
the price of a baby doll Made in China went from a few cents to the cost of a funeral and an international lawsuit,
the price of imitation apparel and of defective household appliances went from a few dollars to a guaranteed headache
and the price of cheap sheet plastic kitsch went from about twenty dollars per ton
to a full hundred dollars per ship.
MUNICH
Daimler Benz has invented a luxury automobile which can run 24 hours a day on a single tank of gas,
but only as long as the car is left idling in the garage
or as long as its engine is connected to a local gas station.
Go to : http://www.mercedes-benz.de
SCIENCE
Biofuels cause more greenhouse gas emissions than conventional fuels
if the pollution caused by producing these "green" fuels is taken into account.
For instance, it takes two tons of conventional fuel to produce one ton of biofuel.
It then takes one more ton of conventional fuel to transport the biofuel to a biofuel end user.
Which means that it takes three tons of conventional fuel
to make you feel good about saving the planet by using clean biofuel.
For details go to : http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/02/07/healthscience/biofuel.p
OP-ED
A curious thing happened to my psychiatrist yesterday.
I caught him off guard with a question:
-Have you ever been in psychotherapy yourself, doctor ?
He looked at me and he started to CRY.
He went to his office, he took off his tie, he swallowed fifty Valium pills
and he jumped out the window.
Guess which floor of the building we were on at that time ?
For details go to :
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/19/health/19mind.html?em&ex=1203656400&en=87059cb6add482b7&ei=5087%0A
THE DAY IN PICTURES
Picture of the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris after a few bottles of exquisite French wine.
BERLIN
An adult female dolphin at the Berlin Zoo has given birth do a cute baby panda.
BASEL
Tiger Woods has won the uphill slalom ski competition in Katmandoo, Switzerland.
Morphyne, anyone ?
ALL the above original material is protected by the United States' copyright laws.
Copyright @ 2008
"Interpretation is the revenge of the intellect upon art." Susan Sontag.
When asked into how many slices he wanted his pizza cut, Yogi Berra said :
-Four. I don't think I can eat eight.
Send comments and suggestions to contact@morphyne.com
THE END
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